Common Traits Among Men Who Experience Same-Sex Attraction

I was recently given an article by Jeff Robinson that was pretty incredible. He's a counselor out of Utah and has done some pretty amazing work. You should check it out. Really. It's changed my perspective on a lot of things, and is really spot on. For me anyway.

I'm going to be signing out of the blogging world before much longer. My wife is concerned that me spending so much time thinking about this is making things worse because I'm focusing on it. So, I'll be signing out. Considering my recent drama when I signed out not long ago, this probably doesn't come as a surprise. I'm not keen on the contention in our marriage.

But before we do that, I want to share a few things. So I'm writing them all up tonight and scheduling them to post over the next few days.

Important for me has been understanding why I'm feeling this way. So, I'm going to shamelessly copy and paste some things from his awesome document. Please read it. Seriously.

From Jeff Robinson:

It has been my experience that men who struggle with feelings of same sex attraction consistently
share three significant personality traits. These traits are almost universal among these men; in
fact, when one of these traits is not present, there has generally been some sort of strong
introductory experience, such as sexual abuse, that may have contributed to their feelings of
same-sex attraction.

The first characteristic shared by men who struggle with same-sex attraction is that they tend to be unusually emotionally sensitive. They say things like, “I have always been more tenderhearted
than other people ,” “I have always felt things more deeply than other people,” “I have trouble
controlling my emotions,” “I get my feelings hurt easily," or “I cry more easily than other
people.”

GMM: Yeah, this fits. I always cried at church meetings. After all, isn't that what we're taught to do?

The second personality trait shared by these men is that they are unusually introspective.  They
are often very intelligent, they do a lot of thinking, and much of their thinking is self analytical. They often make statements such as, “People tell me I think too much,”  “I analyze things to death,” “I think myself into circles,” “I think myself into knots,” or “I'm always trying to understand myself.”

GMM: I didn't think this applied to me so much at first, but my wife agreed with it immediately. Then that night, when I spent 10 minutes deciding just which shirt to wear, I realized that yeah, I probably was analyzing too much.

The third and perhaps the most ironic trait that these men have in common is that they have an
unusually strong sense of right and wrong, coupled with an unusually strong desire to be right. I use the term “right” very broadly: to be right, to be worthy, to be righteous, to be normal, to be
popular, to be liked, to be attractive, to be okay, to be helpful, to be talented, to be good
looking. They just want to get things right—to be good. When parents find out they have a son
dealing with this issue, they will sometimes say, “This was my best child. He was the most devout,
the most obedient, the most helpful, and the most tenderhearted.” It is not unusual for these men
to have had outstanding histories of activity in the Church and to have held positions of
responsibility and leadership in their Aaronic Priesthood quorums, in their seminary classes or on
their missions.

GMM: This fits too. I never was in the popular groups, but I wanted it so badly. I wanted to be righteous- perfectly so. After all, the scriptures say we should be, right?

These three characteristics—emotional sensitivity, introspection, and the desire to be right are
each good attributes. The world needs more men who are sensitive, thoughtful, and who want to do
good. Yet I believe that these three characteristics are the single most significant reason why
these men “get stuck” in same-sex attraction. It is a great irony that these three positive
characteristics play a prominent role in such an agonizing difficulty. It is as though Satan says,
"Here is a group of men who could do great good in this world. What can I do to stop them?"