Crying out for help

You know, sometimes I get discouraged when the temptations start coming. I guess it makes sense that they do- we know where discouragement comes from, and it's the same source as temptations.. Anyway, it's just discouraging when you're overwhelmed by the temptation and desire for pornography; it's like jeez, I have a whole life of this pleasant stuff ahead of me? No thanks. But, I'm not planning on an early exit from this life, so there's not much to do sometimes but endure. But then, at other times, I feel carried and lifted through my trials, and it makes all the difference. So much difference, in fact, that I haven't had a major problem with run-on sentences for a whole week. But seriously, sometimes it's just overwhelming. I can't- don't- want to do this anymore. I want to give in, but I don't want to either. And so I sit and watch stupid youtube videos or surf facebook. lol. And sometimes, when it's too overwhelming to deal with, I seem to cry out to Father in Heaven- I can't do this! I need help! And before I know it, I'm in a better place. I know He's there.

I had an experience on my mission that had incredible impact on me. One night on a dark road, I had the most terrifying experience of my life (even more so than  the gunfire exchange I got caught in a year later). And during that experience, I came to know how real Satan is. And it terrified me enough that to this day I can not sleep in pitch black. The power of the devil is real.

 

And so the next night, finally home safe and in bed, we turned off the lights to sleep. Immediately I was terrified, so much so that I couldn't even scream out. All I could do was say a prayer to my Father in Heaven, pleading, begging, in just a few words but with the energy of my entire soul for help and comfort. Immediately I felt it in the most incredible way. The night before, I felt Satan's reality and darkness in all its glory. But that night, I  felt God's love and light in all His glory. I felt as though His arms were wrapped around me, and it filled my soul with peace.

 

I don't share that experience very often- in fact I don't know that I've even shared it with my mom. It's sacred and important to me, and I know that God loves me. He loves us all. He is watching over us, as a very kind and loving Father. Not just some all-powerful being, but my Father! And that's the kind of thing that gives screw-ups like me hope.

 

I know God lives. I know He loves each of us and is aware of us. And I know we can go on following His commandments- with the hope of eternal life with Him.

 

Wow, testimony meeting for sure today.
I'm recommitting myself to be perfectly obedient when it comes to pornography and everything. I'm going to be loyal to my wife, my covenants, and my Father in Heaven. And I'm excited for the path we find ourselves on as we over come these struggles.