Monday, September 9, 2013

Hitting a wrong note

I was listening to Brad Wilcox's talk, His Grace is Sufficient. I love it. You should read it. Again.

He said,
There are young men who grow up their whole lives singing, “I hope they call me on a mission,” and then they do actually grow a foot or two and flake out completely. They get their Eagles, graduate from high school, and go away to college. Then suddenly these young men find out how easy it is to not be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, or reverent.
They mess up. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “This is stupid. I will never do it again,” and then they do it.  
The guilt is almost unbearable. They don’t dare talk to a bishop. Instead, they hide. They say, “I can’t do this Mormon thing. I’ve tried, and the expectations are just way too high.” So they quit.  
These young men don’t understand grace.
I can say I have been there. I've messed up, and said that I won't ever do that again. And then I do. So I say I'm never doing that again. And I do. The pattern he talked about is exactly right- I try, try again, each time saying I'm never going to do it again. But I do. And I'm hard on myself. I'm frustrated, upset, and not exactly pleasant to be around during those times.

When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with movement in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?
 There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Cor. 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13). 
So I'm continuing on in His grace. I'm doing better than I have in a long time, and I'm excited for the future. It's not easy- last week had some miserable moments as I was fighting my dragons- but I look every day to that change that comes in me through Christ.
 

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