Yup, I did it. After hiding it all these years, I finally told my parents I'm gay. And they took it like a champ.
Um, well, there's no easy way to say this, so here goes. I've struggled with same-gender attraction all my life, and it's not going away any time soon. ...
We talked for about an hour- me, my wife, and my parents. Needless to say, they were surprised and didn't see that one coming (kudos to me, I did a good job hiding it!).
My parents were incredibly good about this, very loving and understanding. Honestly, I was pretty sure they would take it that way. I was surprised at my mom's reaction though. At one point, she said through her tears, I wish you had told us sooner so you wouldn't have had to suffer in silence all these years. Thanks Mom, I truly appreciated that. I don't know if I was ready to tell until now, but I think that's what goes through many parents' minds.
They had many questions and some misconceptions, and we had a great (and thought provoking) discussion in that hour. It was quite a bomb to drop on them right before they went on a date.. but today I'm even more grateful for loving parents.
My dad asked a great question- how do I define myself? Yes, being gay is a part of that now, but I gave him the basis of how I feel- I'm a son of God. That's the true core of who I am.
Funny moment: my wife at one point tried to sarcastically say that she is like a paid actress in a great cover up story. Instead, she ended up telling my parents she's paid for her services. Awkward! Not many people have said that to their in-laws. :)
Can I say what a relief it is to be able to talk openly with my parents. After we walked outside of the house, I was able to share some things with my dad for a few minutes more that I just needed to get out. It's a huge blessing; even though it was incredibly difficult to do, I'm glad I did.
I'm Mormon, I'm married, and I'm gay. It's not a perfect combination. Heck, I'm not perfect either, but I'm working on it.
Monday, July 29, 2013
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What a terrific post. It's great to hear awesome stories like this. As a parent, your parents' example reminds me to always be unconditionally loving and understanding of my children. Your parents have every reason to be proud of you. All anyone has to do is read the posts here on your blog to know that.
ReplyDeleteHow cool that you can now discuss that part of your life with them when you need / want to. Though somehow I don't imagine it becoming a topic of conversation over Thanksgiving dinner :)
Haha anonymous, no- Thanksgiving dinner is out. But it really has been a blessing to be able to talk to my dad more openly. And I've really had an eye opening in how I relate to my children as well; I can stand on my soapboxes all I want on my blog here, but the rubber hits the road when I get to practice these principles with my kids. I'm proud to report I feel like I'm improving; we'll see what my kids think though!
DeleteMy heart goes out to you and the constant battle that you and millions of people face every day -- what courage you have for opening up to your parents about such a life-changing acknowledgment. Acceptance of others and being nonjudgmental is so important in our world and yet hate is so wildly spread by others. I hope your dad will think twice before joking about gay people in the future.
ReplyDeleteHow do you plan to tell your kids?
You know, I asked my wife that same question yesterday, and I don't know that they'll ever know. I don't plan on taking this public, so I don't know that there's a need to tell them. Our oldest is only 6, so we've got some time to think about it though. :)
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