Weight of the World

So.. As you can probably tell from my bipolar posts yesterday, there's been a lot going on. Yesterday I felt like the weight of the world was on me. Every inch of my body was pumped full of lead and it took a huge amount of effort to move and do anything. Nor did I really care to do anything. I was so consumed with everything going on that I shut down. 

My wife and I opened up the conversation last night and worked things out. It was a huge relief, and today has been much better. But then late this morning, the heaviness started creeping on. 

You know what drives me nuts? I feel like people see a ticking divorce clock, and I'm ready to go run off with Danny and live the gay lifestyle. It drives me nuts, because it's so far from the truth. I love my wife incredibly and will not leave her. So we had an in depth conversation again. And I began feeling like my head was spinning. 

So I took a drive. I decided I needed to go somewhere at work, which was a half hour away. I turned on a comedy station on Pandora and just enjoyed it. I forgot about my worries for a little bit and had a good time.

I feel a lot better now. My head is clearing and I feel like myself again. Even though I feel a little fragile sometimes, and need constant affirmation and support, I can do this with the help of my Savior. And yes, there's that word again: hope.